


Nature's First Green

by drikstreedur



Series: Gold and Gunpowder [6]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fake AH Crew, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-09 00:36:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13469973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drikstreedur/pseuds/drikstreedur
Summary: In which some insecurities come to light.





	Nature's First Green

Ryan had gotten, well, clingy after his nightmare. Meek, quiet, anxious, and even kind of sad at times. He never wanted to have Gavin out of his sight, and it was actually starting to worry the rest of the crew. Granted, they had a feeling that whatever was going on was caused by Gavin’s brush with death thanks to the situation with the warehouse the day before, and having to have his stomach pumped to get rid of the sedatives still trying to work their way into his system when they got him back to the penthouse.

Granted, they didn’t know why it overnight for Ryan to suddenly cling to Gavin like his life depended on it, but they just chalked it up to initial shock. They hadn’t heard the start Ryan had at three in the morning, or the gentle reassurances Gavin had to give him to bring him down from the panicked dissociation afterwards, or the quiet pleading from Ryan for Gavin to never leave him. All they knew was that suddenly Ryan was desperate to stay with Gavin constantly.

In fact, Gavin was lazing on the couch the afternoon following Ryan’s nightmare, still working on recovering from being kidnapped, as well as the lack of good sleep the night before. The remote was in his hand, and he was just absentmindedly flipping through channels in hopes of finding something decent on TV on a Thursday afternoon. His stomach growled, and he let out a quiet groan of displeasure, his entire abdomen cramping up in protest of his lack of appetite and need for at least something to keep him from passing out on the spot.

Ryan had needed to run some errands of some sort, and though he didn’t want to leave Gavin alone for the time it would take, Michael and Jeremy promised to make sure Gavin stayed in the penthouse and unharmed. But Michael and Jeremy were about two rooms over, playing Mario Kart and yelling at the top of their lungs, and poor Gavin was therefore neglected when it came to having attention paid to him by the two as promised. He didn’t want to get up and get food because he was dizzy as all hell, but he’d be even worse for wear if he didn’t try to find something to eat. And the kitchen wasn’t more than 10 feet from the couch, so he’d be fine, right?

Gavin stood up from the couch, wobbly and woozy, and steadied himself on the arm as he slogged over toward the kitchen. But as soon as he got away from the arm of the couch and had to make his legs remember they were legs, a wave of dizziness hit him and he fell over. He didn’t get hurt, but the point was he hit the floor. And by some miracle, Ryan had walked through the door right when Gavin lost his balance and collapsed. Two large bags full of yarn skeins dropped to the floor as Ryan hurried over to help Gavin up and make sure he was alright.

“I’m fine, love. I was just on my way to get something to eat, and forgot I don’t have a lot of strength right now because my stomach hates me,” Gavin whined as Ryan picked him up and put him back onto the couch. His hair was ruffled, the bags of yarn picked up and put on either side of Gavin, and Ryan was on his way into the kitchen. Moments later he emerged with a few protein bars, some chocolates, a bottle of water, and three cans of Diet Coke. A protein bar was plopped into Gavin’s lap, and Ryan put the other things on the table before sorting through the yarn in the bags. Gavin gave Ryan a concerned look with a furrowing of his brows, and Ryan glanced back up at him.

“Eat. I don’t want you passing out.”

“It’s about time you actually said something to me. Christ, Ryan, what’s gotten into you?” Gavin spoke out exasperatedly, unwrapping the protein bar and taking a small bite out of it. He regretted his words immediately when Ryan froze up.

“What’s gotten into me? Gavin, you could’ve  **_died_ ** yesterday, and I’m supposed to be all full of happiness and cheer instead of worrying the living hell out of myself over you? Fuck’s sake, I was having  **_nightmares_ ** last night from this!” Ryan damn near yelled, voice cracking at the mention of nightmares. The room was almost chillingly silent for close to a minute then, before Gavin spoke up again, mouth half-full of another bite of the protein bar he was eating.

“You had nightmares because of me?”

“Not just because of you, but  **_about_ ** you. And don’t talk with your mouth full.”

Gavin rolled his eyes and swallowed the bite of food in his mouth before going back to actually asking Ryan about the nightmare that woke him up.

“What about the one that woke you up in a panic? The one I had to talk you down from because you weren’t right in your skull.”

“That’s actually the only one I remember in any detail, and it fucking sucked. And it made me realize how badly I don’t want to lose you.”

“Well, are you going to talk it out with me or just stew in your own juices until you fall apart like a roast in a slow cooker?”

Another uncomfortable moment of silence, this time accompanied by Ryan very obviously trying to actually make words happen. He was already bad when it came to flubbing his words together, he didn’t need to deal with hesitation on top of that.

“I need a few minutes to compose myself before I can just dive right into that. Finish your protein bar and I’ll give you a chocolate bar, so I have time to think,” Ryan finally managed, and Gavin nodded. At least he was going to get to the bottom of this.

Ryan ended up explaining the dream while curled up against Gavin’s chest, listening to his heartbeat in an attempt to keep himself as calm as he could. Gavin’s rested his arms around Ryan in a show of comfort, growing increasingly concerned as he heard how upset Ryan was getting about this dream, about the thought that one of them could die at any moment. But that broke when Ryan blurted out something he didn’t really need to.

“And I can’t stand losing you like I lost Ray!” He immediately realized what he said as soon as the words left his lips, and regret hit him like a tsunami.

“Like  _ what _ now…?” Gavin asked cautiously, sounding like he was preparing for the worst possible answer, and Ryan was stuck having to answer him or completely avoid it and sound like an asshole.

“Remember when Ray took a sniper shot through the skull, and I became a recluse for a solid week and a half afterwards, and then sort of broke and went on a rampage?”

“Yeah, but what does that have to do with---”

“After that heist, I had been planning to tell Ray that I loved him. And I lost the opportunity, which absolutely destroyed me.”

Gavin froze up entirely, almost trying to comprehend what Ryan had said. He had been in love with Ray? Did that mean Gavin was just a second choice that Ryan didn’t feel like giving up so he wouldn’t be a hermit? Did Ryan even love him at all, or was this just some pity-party to make him feel like someone actually gave a damn?

He pushed Ryan off of him, scooting him aside on the couch, and on admittedly still wobbly legs, he walked out of the room with an unsure gait about him.

“I… I’ve got a headache, Ryan. I’m going to go spend some time in my room, alright?”

And he was gone, the only other thing Ryan hearing from him was a slam of his bedroom door, and the click of a lock.

They both knew what bullshit that excuse was, but nonetheless that was the one Gavin made.

* * *

 

Jeremy and Michael came out of Michael’s room about an hour and a half later, briefly stopping to question why the door to Gavin’s room was shut. They shrugged it off and just continued walking to the den. And Ryan was just sitting there on the couch, staring blankly at an infomercial on TV and looking absolutely lost. That just added a whole new layer of “what the fuck” to the puzzle of what was going on here.

“Ryan? Hey big guy, you doin’ alright? You look kinda spacey over there…” Jeremy chimed cautiously, walking between Ryan and the television to obscure his view of it at least partially. Ryan finally snapped out of his black stare and looked up at Jeremy, looking like he might cry. And Jeremy just about panicked when he saw tears welling up in Ryan’s eyes. Something was very wrong, and he and Michael needed to fix it before sad Ryan turned into a Ryan of indiscriminate murder.

“I told Gavin about my situation involving Ray, and he locked himself in his room and hasn’t come out since. It’s been over an hour. I think I fucked up, guys…”

“Really, Ryan? That’s all this is? You hurt poor Gavvy-wavvy’s feelings, and you’re not man enough to try and fix it yourself? Jesus Christ, dude, you need to grow a pair and make the fucking relationship work if you’re really that invested in it already!” Michael said, increasingly frustrated with how Ryan had been acting lately ever since he and Gavin had started dating. “Go knock on that fucking bedroom door and tell him you want to talk about it! Don’t just sit there and fucking sulk, you dumb sack of trash! Go! Get your ass moving!”

 

He hoisted Ryan up by his shirt and shoved him aggressively in the direction of Gavin’s room, scowling. Ryan seemed more perturbed by the fact that Michael had actually done that than the fact that he was being told to “grow a pair” and talk to Gavin, and that was mostly because he knew he was being an absolute pansy about this. He was a mercenary, not a love guru! He didn’t know how relationships were supposed to work half the damn time! And yet, heavy footsteps trode along the hallway to the closed door, and he stood in front of it silently before managing to will himself to tap on the door with the backs of his knuckles.

“Gavin? I want to talk about this. Can you let me in?” Ryan asked. There was a pregnant pause, in which Ryan could’ve sworn he here a couple sniffles and hiccups from inside the room, and then finally Gavin spoke up.

“Unlocked it an hour ago.”

Ryan didn’t need to be told that twice, hesitation completely gone as he swung open the door, but returning as soon as he saw the sight of the room. Gavin was completely curled-up in his bed, unable to be seen from outside his sad blanket cocoon. However, Gavin shook and sobbed quietly underneath it, and that managed to spark Ryan into rushing over to him and sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Ryan, why didn’t you tell me I was a second choice?”

Gavin’s question absolutely punched Ryan in the chest with hurt.

“Because you’re not! Do you really trust me that little? Do you think I’m the kind of person to just settle for someone I don’t love just because someone I used to love died before I could say anything?”

The blanket cocoon shifted, and Gavin’s head emerged, hair messy and eyes red from crying. He looked up at Ryan, expression so guilty it was heartbreaking. He didn’t speak though, still sort of processing what Ryan had said.

“Listen, Gavin. Yes, I had feelings for Ray. But how many years has that been now? Three? And we got closer  _ because _ Ray died and we were both broken-up about it. So yes, you might have not been the love at first sight like a fairy tale, but goddammit that doesn’t mean I love you any less for it!” Ryan absolutely poured his heart out for Gavin, confessing things he never thought he’d say out loud, or ever  _ need _ to say out loud. “So please… Please believe me when I say I love you beyond belief. No matter what happened in the past. Okay?”

Still no verbal response from Gavin, and for a moment he didn’t even seem like he’d give a physical response other than glancing away in shame, but then in the swiftest of movements Ryan was hauled down onto the bed, literally on top of Gavin, and he was being kissed. It lasted for just a moment, and when Gavin pulled back from the kiss again Ryan noticed tears on his cheeks again. He couldn’t help but let some of his own free then, peppering Gavin’s face in kisses and managing to wrangle a giggle out of him.

And again, they ended up clinging to each other like bent paper clips, with Ryan’s head on Gavin’s chest, listening to his heartbeat. But this time, there was a quiet understanding between them that they wouldn’t trade for anything. Gavin’s fingers twined through Ryan’s hair gently, and it didn’t take long for them both to fall asleep together, finally making up for lost sleep the night before.

Really, Michael and Jeremy were just glad the two of them had stopped whining.


End file.
